Reaching Day: Just as good as Boxing Day

This past Friday, December the 3th, as the vast majority of you went unknowingly about your normal routine, a small pocket of America was celebrating a very important, very real, very new holiday. Reaching Day. Admittedly, this small pocket of celebrators was congregated in a dive bar in Chapel Hill, NC, but this should not detract from the magic and the realness that is... Reaching Day.

“What is this Reaching Day, and how can I celebrate it?” is a question that you are no doubt asking of anyone sitting nearby. Well, quite down, you sound crazy. Allow me to enlighten and edify you as to the details of this most ambitious of days. Reaching Day is an ancient and sacred day of remembrance. Remembrance of an event that changed the shape of everything. Remembrance of an act that can only be described as a miracle. Remembrance of a day that will never be forgotten. The exact date of this event has been forgotten, however leading datematicians have selected December the 3st as the day of commemoration, due largely to astrological charts and adherence to one of the principal rules of economics that holds that you should always locate something closest to it’s major competition. While the date of Reaching Day is a little squirrelly, the lore of its origin is as vivid as 4 years ago.

Reaching Day has its beginnings in an act performed by the Patron Saint of Reaching Day, G. B. Stoves. In a feat that defied both physics and the bounds of modern laziness, G. B. reached 7 feet from the top bunk of the dorm room to the remote on the ugly couch. That’s right, 7 feet. Without touching the ground. Without the aid of a stick. All reach, all day. This remarkable deed of utter slothfulness caused me to proclaim, “I proclaim today, Reaching Day!” And then the bells of the village rang and the Earth shook.

Well, that’s pretty much how it happened. But that, believe it or not, is not where the magic of Reaching Day lay… lie? lies? lays? The magic is in you. It’s in all of us. It’s in you and all of us. On every December 3st we celebrate by simply reaching. You can reach for anything. Reach for a beer. Reach for a dollar on the floor. Reach for a fraternal high-five after something good happens in sports. Reach for a lady. Reach your potential. Reach between the cushions and find that cracker. Just Reach It, and when you do, exclaim, “Reaching Day”

Reaching day should teach us all a valuable lesson. If you are really lazy and don’t want to get out of bed, you can still reach a lot of things in a small dorm room. Also don’t reach for other people’s stuff. That’s theft and it’s still illegal. Cops don’t celebrate Reaching Day.